Thursday, November 18, 2010

Where I've been...

The other day I was thinking about what has made me ME. How I was raised, my family, where I lived. Choices I have made, happy times, terrible times, hurtful times. Church family, friends, work experiences. Childlessness to having my quiver full.

But who knows these things?

Very few people know me and my whole sha-bang of a story. The ones that know these things and what has made me act like who I am.

We moved to Tennessee in January. To the people that have met me here, I am a completely different person in a different situation than I have been in the past. Even from just last year! I'm enjoying the people here, but I was thinking, how can people really know who I am and what has shaped me?

For those that knew me in Arkansas probably saw a pretty frazzled person. The mom with three infants and no family nearby, wife of a Doctoral student. I loved our little town, our church, and my Moms and Tots friends. I also really enjoyed our Bible Study at CCF and miss it tremendously.

For those that knew me in Missouri, they saw a hard worker, pretty naive, and hurting under the veil of childlessness. I thought too much about work, and was not adventurous. I loved my friends and all their kids to death, and worked my behind off for the church we were apart of. I was devastated when decided to move. It had been my home of choice from college until the boys were born. I really didn't know anything else as an adult! The happiest memories and the saddest memories I had (at the time) were all from Missouri.

The people that knew me in Michigan knew a naive little girl. You'd think I was a troubled kid for how scared I was to be in trouble! I worked hard, loved hard, and played hard. I always thought after college we'd move back to Michigan. Boy was I wrong! However far away I live, you can't take The D out of me :)

I find it interesting that people approach me differently as they know me. Here I'm just me and it's like how we live is how we've always lived. When I go back to Missouri I'm remembered for how we were at that time in our lives. I notice it especially when I go back to Michigan and I'm expected to remember things from a long time before, and like all the same things I did when I was a child :) Don't get me started on the nicknames I'm called from growing up....

I realized if I feel this way, surely I'm not alone? Even if others have not thought about it at all, their past has helped shape them into who they are - good and bad! It has shaped your life, your choices, how you view things. I am thankful to the Lord that I can run to Him and He has help me through my rougher edges of who I would be. I am blessed by Him that He has changed me, and continually will be smoothing me out.

It also makes me view others differently.

Anyway.... if you stuck with my ramblings this far - thanks! It just shows how muddled my head can be at times :)


Pat (Lori's mom) said...

This was an excellent thought provoking blog for me. As a Sunday School teacher for years, I see my old students either visit or facebook me and want me to be proud of the new adult they have become. I see that talking about the past, though it may be fun at times, is not who they have become and I also need to acknowledge all that God has done in their lives. Thank you for challenging me!

denise said...

Thanks Miss Pat! I hope you guys are doing well :)

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